I died again today

A tiny piece of me dies whenever depression takes hold of me. A whispering voice says ‘that’s enough, give up now, you’re half dead anyway’. Suddenly death looks so attractive, so beautiful, so incredibly peaceful. I picture a graveyard at night. It’s foggy, it’s quiet. Never before have I experienced such tranquility. God, how I wish I belonged there. Another image is me walking beside a river holding hands with the one who I know for sure can bring me relief. Just holding hands, being perfectly okay in my own imperfection. How I want to be there.

Then reality hits me. I can’t go anywhere. People would get hurt. So I continue, one step in front of the other, one disappointment after the next, one ‘Sorry, I can’t deal with you’ after the other. Trapped inside this hell of the living. Where to go, what to do?

Breathe in, breathe out. The rest I will leave up to God.

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One thought on “I died again today

  1. As I read this post i cant help but to think of my friend who goes thru the same emotions as you described and yes people might get tired of the same old things but as long as you have that good friend to listen to you I’m sure things will be fine. Life has its up an downs and everyone deals with things differently…..Have a good day 🙂

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